OCTOBER IS NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH
As members of the greater Seattle/Lynnwood community and as martial artists we should always be aware of the needs of others. Domestic violence can come in many forms and hurt in many different ways. We should always be mindful of Wu De have the COURAGE to take a stand when we believe others are in trouble and learn about this form of intimation in order to have the WISDOM to help those in need.
- On average, nearly 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. *
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.*
1 in 5 women & 1 in 7 men have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.*
- Each year an estimated 3.3 million children are exposed to domestic violence against their mothers or female caretakers by family members. **
- Research shows that 80 to 90 percent of children living in homes where there is domestic violence are aware of the violence.***
- On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.****
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
It is the defined as the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically.
WHY THE PROBLEMS OF OTHERS MATTER:
Domestic violence is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community. It exists in every demographic regardless of age, economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality. Often times the violent acts committed are accompanied by emotionally abusive behavior which is is only a fraction of the types/patters of abuse that are used for dominance and control. These acts can result in psychological trauma for the significant other/spouse and his or her children. In severe cases the damage or injury done leads to death either by the abuser or by the victim due to severe depression. Children are often the ones caught in the middle. Afraid to speak out for fear of retribution from their abuser(s) or the consequence of losing a mother or father. Without help from the outside these dangerous relationships have little hope for a positive outcome. Remember, these are the people you see every day. Their children are the ones that go to school with yours. It is everyone’s concern. Not just those who deal with it in the privacy of their own homes.
IF YOU NEED HELP DIAL THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE AT: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Physical/Mental Effects of Domestic Violence/Abuse
- Domestic violence can push the victim(s) toward depression and suicidal behavior.
- Many domestic violence relationships result in physical injury from their partners.
- Children who are abused or who witness abuse tend to follow the same path as the abuser in later life.
Economic Effects of Domestic Violence/Abuse
- Victims of intimate partner violence lose approximately 8 million days of work each year.
- Overall cost to society as a whole is estimated at $8.3 billion per year.
- It is approximated that 20-50+% of victims of intimate partner abuse lose their jobs due to issues stemming from their abuse.
WHAT WE CAN DO TO HELP BOTH CHILDREN AND ADULTS
If they are still in the relationship:
- Think of/provide them a safe place to go if an argument occurs – avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
- Help them about make a list of safe people to contact.
- Ensure they keep change with them at all times.
- Ensure they memorize all important numbers.
- Help them establish a “code word” or “sign” so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help.
- Create a plan regarding what they will say to your partner if he\she becomes violent.
If they have left the relationship:
- Change their phone number.
- Screen all calls.
- Save and document all contacts, messages, injuries or other incidents involving the batterer.
- Change locks, if the batterer has a key.
- Avoid staying alone.
- Plan how to get away if confronted by an abusive partner.
- If they have to meet their partner, do it in a public place.
- Vary their routine to stay safe.
- Notify school and work contacts so children can’t be easily used by abuser.
- Have them call a shelter for battered women. GETTING HELP INCREASES SUCCESS
- Trust and Respect
Acknowledge children’s right to have their own feelings, friends, activities and opinions. Promote independence, allow for privacy and respect their feelings for the other parent. Believe in them.
- Provide Emotional Security
Talk and act so children feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves. Be gentle. Be dependable.
- Provide Physical Security
Provide healthy food, safe shelter and appropriate clothing. Teach personal hygiene and nutrition. Monitor safety. Maintain a family routine. Attend to wounds.
- Provide Discipline
Be consistent; ensure that rules are appropriate to age and development of the child. Be clear about limits and expectations. Use discipline to give instruction, not to punish.
- Give Time
Participate in your children’s lives, in their activities, school, sports, special events, celebrations and friends. Include your children in your activities. Reveal who you are to your children.
- Encourage and Support
Be affirming. Encourage children to follow their interests. Let children disagree with you. Recognize improvement. Teach new skills. Let them make mistakes.
- Give Affection
Express verbal and physical affection. Be affectionate when your children are physically or emotionally hurt
FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO HELP
Seattle White Tiger Kung Fu is proud to support and help the 2nd Chance Thrift Store and Family Services Northwest. These two programs work together to help those at risk in abusive relationships as well as mentor and teach those with a history of abuse how to be better parents, partners, and members of society. The goal is not to merely identify and punish the abusers but to stop the cycle of abuse. If you or anyone you know is in need of help please follow these links as well as the others throughout this post to find many different resources and information to help stop the cycle.
Seattle White Tiger Kung Fu Staff and Students* Black, M.C., Basile, K.C., Breiding, M.J., Smith, S.G., Walters, M.L., Merrick, M.T., Chen, J., & Stevens, M. (2011). The National Intimate Partner and Sexual
Violence Survey: 2010 Summary Report. National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved from:
http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf ** American Psychological Association, Violence and the Family: Report of the APA Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family,1996 *** Pagelow, “Effects of Domestic Violence on Children,” Mediation Quarterly, 1990 **** 2013 Domestic Violence Counts: A 24-Hour Census of Domestic Violence Shelters and Services. (n.d.). Retrieved September 4, 2014, from